I am a mum to young teenage women. They are coming into the energy of the maiden as she develops from young girl into young woman.
As a society we have destroyed all of our coming of age ceremonies. We have destroyed all the sacred and magic from them and we have left our kids to create their own. This is equally true for our young men as well as our young women, but I am exploring today what this is meaning in real time for the young women of our society.
My work focuses on the Good Woman many of us have been entrained to be. The Good Woman that sits proudly above the wounding our inner little girl is still crying about inside us. The fear that is created by not adhering to societal norms, to be liked, approved of. Desired just enough, without being too much of a ‘loose woman’. This Good Woman can cause havoc throughout our lives, in all sorts of areas and I would love for more women to break free of the control it instils across their world.
But what I want to explore today is the continued entrainment of the Good Woman into the teenage women growing into adult women today. I have witnessed over the last few months many of my daughters friends beginning to explore their place in society as young women coming into their bodies as they grow. The almost naked selfies and the desire to be desired are coming through. Teamed with society’s selling of the co-dependant relationship as the normative and ideal relationship, I am watching these young women slip into traps of seeking approval and not knowing why or how they can fulfil their own desires.
The dangerous part is where adult women around these girls think they are helping them in making better decisions, when in fact they are openly shaming these young women into being Good Girls. Often, these women are Good Women themselves, and believe this is how they can keep them safe, they are acting from fear but doing what they believe is right. However, there is serious evidence supporting the theory that shaming women out of their sexuality causes long term damage to their self-worth and their ability to choose relationships that are healthy. It causes a trauma that stops healthy development of desire in their body and can cause them to shame themselves and other women through late in their lives, potentially their whole lives. We see this as an extreme through the Evangelical Christian movements but it flows equally through the whole of society in general.
All of this comes from not seeing the young woman as powerful in her own right. In need of guidance yes, but powerful in what she chooses to do with the knowledge as she develops and grows. Setting healthy boundaries when they are younger is beneficial and can allow for conversations about how she is more than her body and more than her sexuality, while also having conversations about how her desire and her sexuality are important aspects of who she is. Shaming her for wanting to be desired sets her up to seek it more, often in hidden, and shadow ways. While discussing with her what she is looking for by posting these photos you are inviting her into a self-knowing that many women are struggling to find themselves.
Let’s do this differently from now on, as women in the world we can change this narrative starting with us. We can invite these young women into different conversations that allow them to honour their power. Invite them into your circles and let them see that they do not need to be shamed into Good Girls to protect them. The best way we can protect our young women and girls from the patriarchal suffering we are all living with is to let them remember their power and their wholeness younger than we got to. It is to let them know that they can be women who do good in the world, and they also don’t have to. The biggest part of this is that the choice is theirs, that the power to choose comes from their wholeness and their greatness and not from a place inside them needing validation.
Show them what you would love for them as the powerful women they are inside, guide them to choose what they would love from their heart, and talk to them about the freedom they can have as they grow, in each moment and that her power is never going away and is never because of what someone else thinks of them. Including you.
Much love x