Travel and learning are deep loves of mine, and I have only recently allowed them to become an informative part of my life again. Right now my choices have me staying put physically, but at the beginning of this year I decided I would travel via the incredible internet and technology we are blessed with. This has led me to disconnect from the #lifehack and clickbait culture on Facebook and dig deeper into the bones of the Earth to find where the real conversations are being held.
‘What I am learning’ is a weekly wrap up of the things (via podcast, conversation, reading, visual or anything else really) that have piqued my interest and are pushing my brain into a new area.
Decolonising my Ancestry + myth
This week I have been nose deep in European Prehistoric myth, devouring story after story and feeling into and out of and through the metaphors, symbols, ritual and truth that permeates it all. I didn’t plan for 2018 to be the year I dove into decolonising my ancestry, and yet here I am. I know it to be true that the best laid plans will go astray, because we are constantly creating, evolving, changing our minds. For me this was a thread that made my heart beat a little faster and slightly scared me to find what might be underneath. These are my two tells that I should lightly hold the thread and untangle and pull and follow where it leads me.
And so I ended up here (one of many places, the thread split). Learning and unlearning about where my ancestors came from and what that means. Or doesn’t mean. Actually, what I make it mean.
I can read the myths and feel them stir my bones. I can feel them anchor into my heart and start to breathe parts of me back to a life I remember like a whisper on the wind. A life that was lived long ago and felt different and similar to my life now all at once. A life that did not have the luxury or pressure I live with now. The whisper is the calling I am ready to listen to and the rabbit hole I am desiring to fall down.
I am learning that our ancestry is deeply important in how we not only live our lives, but in our health, the foods we need, the bias’ we carry, almost everything. I am learning that the coloniser attitude to life has destroyed so many people and stopped any of us from living our best lives. I am learning that as a white woman, the more I learn and then unlearn about my racism, bias’, expectations and assumptions, the more I realise I will never stop learning.
Prayer is something I have not really ever attempted outside a religious experience. And yet, while I know my particular belief system does not traditionally use prayer as a connection (that I am aware of) there feels to be a softening that occurs inside me when I am in communication with whatever it is that we find when we open our hearts and allow faith to permeate.
My form of worship is of nature and of knowledge. I guess I don’t always seek knowledge that is fashionable, nor what a lot of people would mean when they say ‘knowledge’. But my love of learning has me traveling all over the world and back and forward in time.
I am learning that the more I say thank you, the more I can hear what I desire to create. I am learning that the deeper I allow myself to open into my desire, the more I see the fears I create to keep me safe. I am learning that my identity and ego are not here to hurt me, they are in fact here to keep me intact and surviving. I am learning that they are powerful and beautiful and that its okay to love them and still create all I desire. I am learning that my softness and my power are inextricably tied together. Through prayer and reflection, I am learning to be comfortable in my discomfort and to honour my fears whilst choosing to create what I love.
I am 8 days in to my first month of prayer circle, secular prayers I have created to be prayed on for a whole month. Its not working the way I thought it would, and thats okay. I am learning that the experience holds wisdom and I am holding space for my heart to guide me into what I know I am being led to create.
What I am deeply learning in this experience is silence and trust are powerful tools for the seeker of self knowing. My internal conversations have changed and I can feel my heart opening and opening and opening. I am learning my power from my open heart.
Building Veggie Gardens
Something that is deeply important to me is that I can access the Earth and grow and put back into the soil. Over the last few months, we have created a few veggie gardens around our yard and are thinking about getting some chickens again!
What I am re-learning is that the soil needs to be nourished. That the plants need to be a choice. I am learning that some veggies, keep giving and giving and giving. I am learning how to save seed for next year. I am learning to slow down and allow nature to show me how.
This is the bit I am loving the most. I am learning how to slow down and let nature show me how.
I am re-learning how powerful time in nature is for me, as a gateway to my inner self. Gardening is almost a moving prayer for me and this is something I am so enjoying exploring as Spring kicks off here in the Southern Hemisphere.